I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
