I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
