Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
