Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
