at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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