He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
