Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
