It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
