Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
