I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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