we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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