Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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