I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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