tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
