'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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