she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize