i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
