I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
