Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
