If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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