Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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