why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We're too hungover to prance.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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