I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
