And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
now i know why i became what i already was.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
