dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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