You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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