I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
