I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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