very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
