Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
