they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sext me about skeletons
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize