I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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