I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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