If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
