i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
