Kiss
Puke
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize