i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
