You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My apartment stinks of burning failure
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
