I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
