Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
