I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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