You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
