all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How does one acquire holy water?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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