"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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