why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
