How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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