Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
