dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
