It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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