he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
