PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize