On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
