Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
