So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
