I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
