i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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