apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
