My liver just broke up with me...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
