Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize