he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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