Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he fucked my hip out of place.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
