Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
