Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
In America we eat man semen.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
