Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
