Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize