My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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