I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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