she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
