dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
