i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
