I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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