After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
