ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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