I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize