I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
