____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
