Do you still have your period?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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