You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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