I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
