P.S. I can't hear my feet
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
