Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
