it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
