I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
