my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
