You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ttyl tear gas
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
