Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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