Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
