Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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