i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
