The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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