last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Come on in and take your pants off
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