At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i dont even know how to be here
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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