I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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