It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
