DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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