We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
