He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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