You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
