i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
