She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize