Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
