You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
