i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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